Alright ladies, listen up because this is lesson one, the golden rule: we all fake it. . We fake our hair color, we fake tans, we fake our age, our bra size, we even fake orgasms. Some of us fake it longer than others—some of us give up, our roots grow out, our tans age badly, we discover vibrators. Some eventually say—fuck it. I’m a forty-five year old b-cup and proud! Others fake it for longer, we shell out the couple hundred it takes for a really good dye job every six months, we drive religiously to the tanning salon every week. But no matter who you are, or how long you do it, faking it is a part of life.
Just to prove that everybody cheats, I’ll let you in on my schedule this morning: woke up at 9 am to get my hair highlighted, and then over to CVS to buy yet another self-tanning lotion (Olay touch of sun!! High hopes for this one).
Faking it is a totally natural part of life. So far, I’ve mastered faking my hair color (is THIS my natural blonde? Ha.), semi-mastered faking the self-tan (although the streaks on my hands would disagree), and, when it comes time to start counting backwards on birthdays, my anti-aging creams should make it pretty easy to fake my social security number.
So, regrettably, that leaves me faking something that no woman should have to fake: orgasms. At 19 my life leads like some depressing movie script, like American Beauty, without the murder plot. And yeah, I’m Kevin Spacey—poor, sexually unsatisfied Kevin Spacey. Well I would be if Kevin Spacey were a woman and had a boyfriend who couldn’t last longer the two minutes in the sack.
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That's quite a first post!
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