Hail To The Chief

Okay, so after many hard days of unpacking and re-buying everything that got lost in the move, it looks like I'm all moved in and--finally--my Internet is back up! I just hate being without it.

As I mentioned before, the boy and I just returned from the amazing city of Florence, where I indulged in granita (a local treat of crushed ice, sugar and different flavorings), binged on pizza, and fell in love with the cobblestone backstreets that make up the city.

And, while I loved the vintage feel of Florence's buildings and streets (minus the lack of AC), I hadn't quite prepared myself for the heat wave that met me and Bogart when we entered the city--with temps skyrocketing into the triple digits I had to tuck away my go-to skinny jeans and throw on the less worn (but more breezy) dresses that make up my summer wardrobe.

But, as those of us who aren't wandering the streets of Italy know, fall is approaching! The official countdown stands at only 19 days away. And a trend that seems to be making a big comeback in the fall fashion world is the military jacket.

The versatile little jacket can be add flair to skinny jeans or, for a a dressier look, with skirt and heels. Here's a little list of some of my favorite cadet-inspired coverings.

1. Knit Double-Breasted Military Jacket Express, $79.50
2. Braided Military Jacket ASOS, $101.15
3. Military Ruffle Jacket Free People, $148.00
4. DACUTE Military Leather Jacket Net-a-porter, $845.00
5. Officer's Blazer We The Free, $168.00
6. French Connection Military Jacket Oli.co.uk, £75.00

DO:
Go for a jacket with ruffles, textures, etc (see 2 and 3) to add a fun flare and a feminine touch.
DON'T:
Go for a jacket that looks like your old Marching Band Uniform.

Heidi Montag looks good in spandex, does nothing else right

Once again Heidi Montag has proven that she's good at nothing more than self-promotion and looking great in a bikini. The reality star showed off her not-so anticipated dance skills at the Miss Universe pageant last night--not that you can really call the clumsy skipping and stripping Mrs. Pratt performed "skills".

After Heidi's drama-filled performance on I'm a Celebrity.. Get me out of here and her disappointing Playboy debut (low key Maxim at best), I for one was keeping my fingers crossed that her aspirations to be a pop star would actually pay off and prove to the world that she can do more than just look good in a halter top. Unfortunately, all those orgasms that Spencer has been giving her must have left her too tired to give more than a lackluster Britney impression.

Back for the moment..

Sorry to everyone for the semi-hiatus, the boy and I just returned from Italy and are about to leave again and make the four day drive (yuck) up to school. I am beyond excited to see that a few more of you have stumbled onto my blog-- don't give up on me! As soon as I regain Internet (living without it is difficult) I'll be updating again. I have a lot to share about Florence (mm Italian boys) and of course my usual fashion/celeb rants (is anyone else getting really sick of Jon Gosselin??)

Hint: It's a Miss

What is Holly Madison wearing?



The former girl next door made quite a fashion statement at the premiere of "The Goods: Live Hard, Sell Hard" on Wednesday night. Hugh Hefner's ex turned up in a forest-inspired full length gown, complete with leaves and branches.


Now, while I'll give miss Madison points for creativity, I've got to assume that her ability to grasp the meaning of "natural" ended when she stuck those long locks of hers in bleach. And, while I have to insist that the earthy look missed its mark, it is true that the word subtle isn't exactly in a playmate's vocabulary.

Fiscal Fashion: The Naked Dress

Any woman who's watched Sex and the City more than twice will remember Carrie's famous (or maybe infamous) naked dress. Now, while I can't say I'm a big advocate for wearing the see-through number on the first date (we all remember how that turned out), having such a tantalizing piece in your closet can't be a bad thing.

Here's a picture the original hip-hugging look:

And here are a few fiscally responsible (and one not so much) pieces I've found that resemble the dress: (5 is my fave)

1. Cotton Spandex JerseyDouble U-Neck Dress American Apparel, creme, $36.00
2. BDG Convertible Strapless Dress Urban Outfitters, light pink, $28.00
3. BDG Convertible Strapless Dress Urban Outfitters, nude, $28.00
4. Spandex Jersey Too-Short Tube Dress American Apparel, nude, $29.00
5. Sheer Jersey Chemise
American Apparel, creme, $24.00
6. (not so fiscally responsible) Bottega Veneta Rope Trim Dress The Outnet.com, neutral, $492.00

Just add a pair of peep-toes and (if you're really feeling like Carrie) a fur jacket, and you'll have a not-so-subtle (but hopefully cheap and chic) outfit!

Must vs. Lust

This blog is based on an idea: everybody fakes it. Now, like we talked about before, sometimes that means lying about your age or getting a dye job. But another thing commonly faked is fashion. Sometimes that means passing knockoffs off as the real deal, sometimes it means buying something cheap and making it look expensive, and sometimes it's just faking the confidence to wear something outrageous. (Or it could be painting the soles of your shoes red--I'm not above it!). But fashion, like a lot of things in life, can be faked.

Like most women who follow fashion, I have a (somewhat unhealthy) obsession with shoes. Since I'm still a student and have to walk around campus to my classes all day, heels are, unfortunately, somewhat unreasonable. But that certainly doesn't stop me from buying them, and I've compiled a cute, though somewhat lacking, collectiong of them this summer.

Now while I usually scrounge around DSW looking for chic shoes at cheap prices, I can't help but be tempted at the thought of designer heels, and I often find myself at google, the words "Alexander McQueen" or "Christian Louboutin" magically appearing in my search bar.

It was this--what I call my "red sole fix"--that lead me to find these beauties, Alexander McQueen studded platform boots. And while I drool a little every time I look at them, the thought of shelling out $1,245 for them (roughly what I made this summer as a hostess) is enough to bring me to my knees.

Luckily for me, there is such a thing as "knock offs" and "copy cats". These bebe boots fall into the second category. And while the color is different and the make won't be the same, their $159.00 price tag has won me over.

Being Brazen (with blazers)

So, due to the lack of sex I'm getting from Bogart lately--that's the name I'm giving to my lovely mystery man, and yes, it is after Humphrey Bogart (although I'm pretty sure that guy had no trouble in the bedroom)--I've been spending a lot of my time online. And, due to my oh-so savvy internet search abilities (aka online stores and perez hilton), I've found what might just be my new favorite fall trend: blazers.

The menswear classic is back, and in a big big way. Seriously, can you ever go wrong with a blazer? Whether thrown on over jeans to add some flair or wore over a skirt ala Blake Lively, they are just too cute. Here are a few of my favorites:


1. Corpus Women's Boy Blazer 80's purple, $83.00
2. Warehouse Sequin Blazer ASOS, $147.12
3. Shrunken Schoolboy Blazer The GAP, $98.00 (as seen on Ashlee Simpson)
4. Silence & Noise Slouch Boyfriend Blazer Urban Outfitters, $48.00
5. Studded Blazer Zara, price unknown

DO:
Go for a studded or sequined blazer to add a feminine flare
DON'T:
Go for a jersey number. Seriously.

We All Do It

Alright ladies, listen up because this is lesson one, the golden rule: we all fake it. . We fake our hair color, we fake tans, we fake our age, our bra size, we even fake orgasms. Some of us fake it longer than others—some of us give up, our roots grow out, our tans age badly, we discover vibrators. Some eventually say—fuck it. I’m a forty-five year old b-cup and proud! Others fake it for longer, we shell out the couple hundred it takes for a really good dye job every six months, we drive religiously to the tanning salon every week. But no matter who you are, or how long you do it, faking it is a part of life.

Just to prove that everybody cheats, I’ll let you in on my schedule this morning: woke up at 9 am to get my hair highlighted, and then over to CVS to buy yet another self-tanning lotion (Olay touch of sun!! High hopes for this one).

Faking it is a totally natural part of life. So far, I’ve mastered faking my hair color (is THIS my natural blonde? Ha.), semi-mastered faking the self-tan (although the streaks on my hands would disagree), and, when it comes time to start counting backwards on birthdays, my anti-aging creams should make it pretty easy to fake my social security number.

So, regrettably, that leaves me faking something that no woman should have to fake: orgasms. At 19 my life leads like some depressing movie script, like American Beauty, without the murder plot. And yeah, I’m Kevin Spacey—poor, sexually unsatisfied Kevin Spacey. Well I would be if Kevin Spacey were a woman and had a boyfriend who couldn’t last longer the two minutes in the sack.